Elder Care And The Sandwich Families
Guess who’s coming to dinner? Family meetings now include you and your children but with Mom or Dad sitting in too. The number of households where Mom or Dad has moved in with their adult children is climbing. Elder care issues are part of your daily considerations. You are constantly in the middle. Welcome to the sandwich generation.
A show of hands at one of my fraternal organization meetings showed three of ten members had a parent living under their roof. The meeting went into extra innings as people shared their experiences. Adding a senior citizen to the household when you are bringing up kids of your own creates a new dynamic.
One of the basic needs that seniors have is transportation. Many have lost their driving privileges. There is a loss of freedom but one grandparent described it as losing a degree of dignity. So we started a free rides program. Volunteers using their own vehicles and fuel to transport seniors to and from appointments.
One major box store made a donation of hdtv plasma tvs to use for a cash raffle prize. They gave a kitchenaid food processor to the cooking staff and threw in a delonghi space heater for the basement storage room. We openly discussed shared concerns about having a grandparent in the house full time.
One couple shared the dynamic of having a child and a parent that used diapers. There was lots of talk about the ‘reality check’. Critical grandmothers are not always appreciated by today’s teen. Conflicts can arise from comments about clothes, makeup, and music. One parent talked about the ‘trigger’ words list in their home.
Medical appointments, picking up prescriptions, administering medication, special diets, and other considerations have to be met. Many talked about the clash between ‘generation text’ and their grandparents. Conflict seems to be inevitable. Just as there are more than one problem with sandwich families, there is more than one solution.
Our rides program is helping families. For a family that has to load Mom into the car with her oxygen bottle, day bag, and wheelchair to take her to dialysis three times a week it is respite. Volunteers now transport her twice a week and her daughter picks her up four hours later. Rides are now being offered for shopping, senior center outings, and other activities.
Everyone who volunteers knows that they deliver more than hot food. They are providing the nourishment of human contact. The volunteer may be the only companionship that person experiences all week. Our ’small group’ is now reaching out to other circles like ours to combine our elder care efforts. We have a formed a vision team to look ahead to identify upcoming needs and consider solutions.
